Tuesday, October 24, 2017

“You Should be In Hollywood” by Pat Simmons

I’ve been told many times that I’ve missed my calling. Personally, I don’t see myself as a comedian with snappy one-liners, but according to friends and strangers, I’m entertaining. Really? Seriously? Nah.
I’ll admit I have a sense of humor, but doesn’t everybody? Sometimes, funny things just happen to me. For example, I don’t wear pants that much, and jeans even less.  A few days after I washed and folded clothes, I slipped on a pair of jeans. I noticed they were snugged and high-water (do people even use the phrase anymore). Did they shrink, or did I pick up the pounds I had recently lost? Confused and seeking flattery, I asked my husband if they were his jeans. He laughed and said yes.
“You must be a midget. They’re above my ankles,” I told him.
“No, you’re wearing them like you do all your pants, waist-high like Steve Urkel.”
Although I’ve never professed to be an opera singer, I do put on a show for birthdays—family and friends beware. I love singing happy birthday—all the renditions—loud and off key, even at restaurants.  Once the embarrassment wears off (from others), I’m happy to say I gave them a memorable occasion.
How many of you get a tune stuck in your head and begin to hum or sing it without thought? One time, when my son and daughter lived at home, I found myself singing a commercial jingle. When my daughter asked did I know what I was singing, I had to stop and think—the Viagra commercial. Yikes.
My children and husband hated to send me to the grocery store without a list. Not because I would forget, but come back with the right thing. They loved cherry pop tarts. I grabbed raspberry—still in the fruit family, right? They would ask for a certain brand of cereal. I blame any mix-up on the advertisers and the store clerks who put decoys next to the name brand, same colored box and similar images.  They get me every time.

I’m not entertaining enough to woo Hollywood producers, but maybe, just maybe, my characters’ colorful personalities will make it to the big screen. "Hollywood, here I come."
Pat Simmons has celebrated ten years as a published author with more than thirty titles. She is a self-proclaimed genealogy sleuth who is passionate about researching her ancestors and then casting them in starring roles in her novels.
She is a three-time recipient of the Romance Slam Jam Emma Rodgers Award for Best Inspirational Romance. Pat describes the evidence of the gift of the Holy Ghost as an amazing, unforgettable, life-altering experience.
Pat holds a B.S. in mass communications from Emerson College in Boston, Massachusetts. She has worked in various media positions for more than twenty years. Currently, she oversees the media publicity for the annual RT Booklovers Conventions.
She has been a featured speaker and workshop presenter at various venues across the country and converted her sofa-strapped sports fanatic husband into an amateur travel agent, untrained bodyguard, GPS-guided chauffeur.
Readers may learn more about Pat and her books by connecting with her on social media, www.patsimmons.net, or by contacting her at authorpatsimmons@gmail.
Check out her holiday series: Couple by Christmas (Book 1) and Prayers Answered by Christmas---coming the end of November. Join the WAIT LIST


  1. LOL! Pat, you never know...Hollywood may someday call. In the meantime, your books are fabulous!

  2. This was so funny. I enjoyed reading it. I told my mom that she's not the only one who buys the wrong items at the store and she was happy to hear it.

  3. As long as I get paid, I'll review the contract. :)

  4. LOL Cindy. It's comforting to know I'm not alone. :)