I’ve been told many times that I’ve missed my calling.
Personally, I don’t see myself as a comedian with snappy one-liners, but
according to friends and strangers, I’m entertaining. Really? Seriously? Nah.
I’ll admit I have a sense of humor, but doesn’t everybody? Sometimes,
funny things just happen to me. For example, I don’t wear pants that much, and
jeans even less. A few days after I
washed and folded clothes, I slipped on a pair of jeans. I noticed they were
snugged and high-water (do people
even use the phrase anymore). Did they shrink, or did I pick up the pounds I had
recently lost? Confused and seeking flattery, I asked my husband if they were
his jeans. He laughed and said yes.
“You must be a midget. They’re above my ankles,” I told him.
“No, you’re wearing them like you do all your pants, waist-high
like Steve Urkel.”
Whatever.
Although I’ve never professed to be an opera singer, I do
put on a show for birthdays—family and friends beware. I love singing happy
birthday—all the renditions—loud and off key, even at restaurants. Once the embarrassment wears off (from
others), I’m happy to say I gave them a memorable occasion.
How many of you get a tune stuck in your head and begin to
hum or sing it without thought? One time, when my son and daughter lived at
home, I found myself singing a commercial jingle. When my daughter asked did I
know what I was singing, I had to stop and think—the Viagra commercial. Yikes.
My children and husband hated to send me to the grocery
store without a list. Not because I would forget, but come back with the right
thing. They loved cherry pop tarts. I grabbed raspberry—still in the fruit
family, right? They would ask for a certain brand of cereal. I blame any mix-up
on the advertisers and the store clerks who put decoys next to the name brand,
same colored box and similar images. They get me every time.
I’m not entertaining enough to woo Hollywood producers, but
maybe, just maybe, my characters’ colorful personalities will make it to the
big screen. "Hollywood, here I come."
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Pat Simmons has celebrated
ten years as a published author with more than thirty titles. She is a
self-proclaimed genealogy sleuth who is passionate about researching her
ancestors and then casting them in starring roles in her novels.
She is a three-time
recipient of the Romance Slam Jam Emma Rodgers Award for Best Inspirational
Romance. Pat describes the evidence of the gift of the Holy Ghost as an
amazing, unforgettable, life-altering experience.
Pat holds a B.S. in mass
communications from Emerson College in Boston, Massachusetts. She has worked in
various media positions for more than twenty years. Currently, she oversees the
media publicity for the annual RT Booklovers Conventions.
She has been a featured
speaker and workshop presenter at various venues across the country and
converted her sofa-strapped sports fanatic husband into an amateur travel
agent, untrained bodyguard, GPS-guided chauffeur.
Readers may learn more about
Pat and her books by connecting with her on social media, www.patsimmons.net,
or by contacting her at authorpatsimmons@gmail.
Check out her holiday series: Couple by Christmas (Book 1) and Prayers Answered by Christmas---coming the end of November. Join the WAIT LIST
LOL! Pat, you never know...Hollywood may someday call. In the meantime, your books are fabulous!
ReplyDeleteThis was so funny. I enjoyed reading it. I told my mom that she's not the only one who buys the wrong items at the store and she was happy to hear it.
ReplyDeleteAs long as I get paid, I'll review the contract. :)
ReplyDeleteLOL Cindy. It's comforting to know I'm not alone. :)
ReplyDelete