Other Women’s Underwear by Lois Greiman

I found someone else’s panties in my laundry basket. 

Have you ever done that? Did you kind of wonder why? 

Oh, wait, I realize now that this could sound like a blog about infidelity, but it’s not. Believe me. I’ve been married to the same man for about a million years now and the idea of something sleazy going on never even occurred to me. But it was curious. I mean, generally MY undergarments resemble something from a former century. They often look as if they may have been involved in a dog fight and then perhaps been the victim of some sort of natural disaster. A mudslide maybe or a tsunami. 

 

These panties were…well they were CUTE…still had the little bows in place and everything. Crazy, I thought. This is just crazy. It was kind of like being fourteen again and finding a bra in the glove compartment of our family pickup truck. That wasn’t mine either. Turned out it was my sister’s. Teenagers…you gotta love ‘em. But I digress. From whence had the rogue panties appeared?

Then it dawned on me… two weeks ago I had stayed at my son’s house while he and his wife vacationed in Marrakesh. (Can’t even find it on a map…so don’t ask.) But when I arrived at their home I realized that once again the suitcase pixies had wreaked havoc with my carefully arranged garments…and subsequently stolen my underwear. The scamps. So, being too cheap to buy new (I mean please I have all those last century, dog impaired, natural disastered beauties at home) I borrowed my daughter-in-law’s. Luckily we are approximately the same size, but I rather suspect we would have looked entirely different in the same garment because while my first born’s wife has this whole Egyptian princess look going on, I strongly resemble someone who has spent the majority of her natural life in an ice cave somewhere. See if you can tell us apart in this wedding photo. :-/

Then again, who’s going to see me in my underwear?

 My only problem now is: Do I admit that I absconded with my daughter-in-law’s underwear? Do I sneak them back into her drawer? Or do I claim them as the rightful spoils of housesitting?