It's Never too Late to Learn by Karen Rock

It's Never too Late to Learn by Karen Rock

I brought my daughter, Danielle, to college this week and learned a few things without attending a single lecture.

1.       1. An empty nest doesn’t have to be negative. Think of it as an opportunity to fill it with new and wonderful things. My sister and I are joining a cake-decorating class at Michael’s and I’m excited to bring home new gadgets to try out in my kitchen. (Pssst. Don’t tell my husband ;)

 

2.       Being a parent doesn’t end when your child is eighteen. Danielle still needs advice and help. The only difference is that I offer it when she asks rather than jumping in and taking charge or assuming I know best. For example, bees kept coming into her dorm room (which we have nicknamed The Apocalypse- lol) and my husband talked her through the right channels to take care of the problem. Our job as parents may change, but it’s never done- and thank goodness for that!

3.       My identity is still the same. I don’t have to be a hands-on mother to be me. If anything, having this time on my own is giving me a chance to get back in touch with myself- my new self- who is older, wiser, and eager to meet the future rather than dwell on the past.
 
4.       Just as ice is still water, a separated family, though reconfigured, is still a family. That is a constant I can count on no matter the time or distance.

5.       I haven’t lost a child, I’ve gained an adult whom I’m so proud to have raised. No mourning the “loss” of the kid she was. I’m celebrating the person she’s becoming. There are lots of ways to contribute to society and raising a compassionate, respectful and conscientious person is giving the world a great gift.  At the end of the Steve Hawking movie THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING, he and his ex-wife look at their children playing in the palace gardens and he types: Look what we made. It was such a poignant moment because even a man as great as Steve Hawking knows that raising amazing kids is a far greater achievement than even solving the origin of our universe.
 
6.       I can master new technology. For example, I now know Skype isn’t some complex technology only 35-year-olds and under can comprehend. It’s just an app on my computer that lets me see and talk to my daughter every day. And yes- Danielle got a big chuckle when she helped Greg and I bumble through setting up our account. But now, I have added three cousins, both of my sisters and a friend from high school to my new Skype list and can talk to them, too! So happy to have learned this and renewed and strengthened connections with other loved ones.

7.       Change is frightening but, survivable… even something to be celebrated. There is no milestone or Hallmark card to acknowledge or congratulate us on having successfully reared a child, yet there should be. This is a big transition and one worth some kind of shout out… so I’m giving one, right here in this post, to all the moms and dads of adult children. Let’s be proud and happy about all that we’ve done and will continue to do.

I hope these new lessons help you as much as they helped me! Remember that just because you aren’t as directly involved in your child’s daily life doesn’t mean you are less of a parent. If anything, your child’s growing independence says one thing: “Job well done, mom and dad!”

What are your thoughts about the “empty nest”, whether it’s in your future, present or past? If you have a chance, I would love hearing from you in the comments section below. Thanks!

Kindergarten Empty Nest by Shaleen Kapil

My youngest just started kindergarten. She was ready. Her backpack and bike were packed, ready to go for weeks. She knew the procedures for lunch, knew friends who would be in her class, and she even had the same teacher as her brother and was completely unworried. This mommy, however, was another story altogether.

For 7 years, I’ve been home with my children. And my little girl was a real buddy for me, happily accompanying me on errands and even playing quietly when I wanted to work on my computer. She was all sweet smiles and peaceful naps. They were wonderful days.

All summer, I’ve been dreading my empty nest.

Throughout the summer, I did as little work as possible, trying to embrace my time with my little girl. But now, I’ve got to shake off the inertia. My plan is to throw myself into the book ideas that have been on simmer. I’m also planning on trying some new things: an art class and masters swimming. I still imagine there will be a few days of tears for me, but I’m going to try to be as brave and strong and ready for new things as she is.

Shaleen Kapil balances motherhood with writing and teaching. She is the author of None But You, a sweet romance available in ebook & print formats. 

Find out more at www.shaleenkapil.com or Like her on Facebook.