Friday, August 4, 2017

Growing up too fast by Mona Risk



If you are blessed with grandchildren, I am sure you enjoy spending time with them and helping the young families juggle work and parenting. 

I was lucky to hold my grandchildren as babies, watch them walking and learning to talk. I babysat them often as toddlers and preschoolers. Later I drove them to school and various activities, attended sports game, gym competitions, piano lessons, karate sessions,... Now I have the joy of seeing them turning into beautiful teenagers who come to grandma with exciting stories and challenging questions.

Talking about challenging questions! 
My friends, I need help with the answer. How do you respond when your granddaughter asks you? “At what age did Mommy have her first date?”

After the first shock, I answered very slowly while furiously squeezing my brain for an answer that would convince and satisfy my inquisitive teenager without aggravating her parents.  

“Huh...hmm, at...huh...if I remember well...your mommy had her first date in college. In high school, she often went out with a group of friend to social gatherings, football games, and school picnics. And you know,” I quickly added. “Your mommy always told me where and with whom she was going out. I knew I could trust her because she would never hide anything from me.”

How would you answer this tricky question, keeping in mind that you want your granddaughter to turn into a self-confident adult well-adjusted to the present life, a friendly person who respects herself and others, and looks at life with a smile and an open-mind, and a decent young woman with good values who knows where to draw the line? 

 Your turn. Please, help with your answers. 

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10 comments:

  1. Excellent response.. As a retired teacher was shocked when parent encouraged dating in middle school. Each child is different. My middle son dated his junior and senior year in high school. He loved going to dances.. he had a strict curfew of 11 oc'clock. If they were watching movies at our house, we made surprise visits to the family room asking if hey needed a snack, etc. Occasionaly we said Hand check. From little the boys were taught to respect women. Teaching our grandsons the same (ages 12 & 10). Granddaughter age 4 - we already teach no kissing of boys till you are 30. Teaching her to set limits and delayed gratification helps.

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    1. Hi Oma, thank for sharing your experience with your grandchildren. There are no boys visiting yet. The girls are so busy with activities, they hardly have time to breathe. LOL

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  2. Setting limits at an early stage is an excellent response. Sadly, society seems to encourage our young adults to grow up too fast.

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    1. Hi Josie, it's not only society, it's also the "nice" shows they watch!

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  3. I would answer with complete honesty (not that our granddaughter has asked :). We had a rule of no dating until high school. Our daughter went on her first official date to a school dance when she was a freshman. She had a boyfriend through most of high school, but neither of them could drive until they were seniors, and generally went out in a group dropped off and picked up by parents until then. They liked to go out for coffee. And all hung out at our house a lot. Our daughter was the oldest and first to get a night license, so she usually drove the group then when she had use of a car--which was by no means unlimited. We share a home with my daughter and son-in-law and family. What the grandkids (20 and 18) most do with their respective friends is hang out at our house or the friends' respective parents' houses. Laughing that while our granddaughter has been visiting her father's grandmother in Australia with her other grandfather the past few weeks, her boyfriend has still dropped in at our house on his day off and done house/farm things with our sil and grandson.

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    1. Hi Jean, thanks for sharing. Giving them good habits at a young age is a great idea.

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  4. I think you gave a very good answer. I wouldn't have added anything. Both of our daughters had their first dates in high school. They did go to school dances in middle school, but those were without "official" dates.

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    1. Hi Merrillee, my daughter also went to dances, and football games. I can't forget these football games. I carpooled with three other moms to drive the high school kids every Friday. Even when she started driving she was not allowed to take the car at night until senior year.

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  5. Mona, that is exactly how my daughter's dating progression went as well. Group outings in her earlier years and one-on-one dates in the latter years. I think both the kids and grandkids are curious about such things as they get older because they realize that their parents weren't always grown up and they start to wonder if their parents had always been as perfect as they seem! I'm always honest about such things without getting too specific or opinionated.

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    1. Hi Denise, I have three granddaughters. This is the oldest one asking. The others will probably follow in her footsteps. So we will try to establish rules and good habits with number one to avoid problems with the two others.

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