I looked. I dreamed. I considered. I almost committed to an amazing cruise around the British Isles, but in the end – nothing. I walked away. The glossy pages of the tourist brochures are already dusty and my inbox continues to fill with emails from the newsletter and information offers that I signed up for. The vacation investigation project wasn’t procrastination. I am a veteran procrastinator so I know all about that. What prevented me from making the leap of committing, of making reservations and writing a check, etc. was uncertainty about the future.
There are different types of dreams. There
are pie-in-the-sky dreams. There are also dreams with a reasonable possibility
of achievement. And there are dreams that serve a purpose (i.e. to get away
from reality for a little while, or dreams that are like a virtual B&B that
you mentally run away to for a few hours). My vacation dreams are definitely of
the do-able variety but I lack the certainty of what life in the near future will
be. My mom needs extra attention right now. I’m struggling to balance the day
job with my writing job and family needs. Sometimes you can put real-life on
hold and just go, but it’s not that way for me right now.
Do I regret spending time planning a trip
I’m not taking? Do I wish I had the time back that I spent doing research? No,
most definitely not.
There’s a part of my brain that thrives
in my imagination, and it’s enjoying that lovely cruise – at least the prospect
of it. The memories created in chewing over of the facts, of envisioning the
ship and the sights – are like a trip unto itself. Not as much fun as the real
thing, but still something, and, in the end, I have to ask myself: what would
be my greatest regret? That I didn’t take the trip? Or that I wasn’t here when
my mom needed me? No question there.
So, for now, instead of taking a dream
vacation, I’ll continue dreaming. But don’t
be surprised if one of my characters in an upcoming book takes a lovely cruise
around the British Isles or spends a couple of weeks in an oceanfront house in
the Outer Banks – after all, the research and planning is already done and, for
a virtual dream of a trip, the packing is a breeze.


